some days, i just can't wake up. i'm sleepwalking. i drink as much black tea as the kettle can brew, but still, i go through the day at half-mast. i have no oomph, no spring in my step, no motivation. why? i don't know. i feel tired, like i could sleep a lifetime. i feel sad, for no reason, or for every reason under the sun. i might just cry, yes, i probably will, cry about one of the many tragedies in my life, those thoughts and memories i file away in my head, file away in that giant file cabinet that i try to keep closed for a million good reasons. days like these, i'm probably just dehydrated, i'll say. i drag my feet to the kitchen. drink a few glasses of water, lay down on the bench in the backyard. i'll watch the birds, let the sun hit my face, close my eyes. i feel that i must slow down, slow down, slow to a near stop. and then james, he comes to the rescue. he takes me for a drive, through the sandstone forest that borders the ocean. and that blue blue ocean, it goes on forever. it is only then, when i take the time to breathe, breathe in the beauty around me, do i start to feel better.