time for a change

tonight, my plan for painting went all askew.  i went to the tavern for dinner, and was invited to joel brock's studio with his lady friend for some kind of extracurricular "art lesson".  now i know what you're thinking: it  isn't what is sounds like. it was merely a rare opportunity for two mildly inebriated artist-neighbors to collaborate and have some late night fun. and so what followed was a whole lot of laughter, had over pastels and matt-board and medium and white paint and wet towels.  every time i would say something like "that doesn't look right," joel would make me aware of my own aesthetic consciousness.  like, what is right, anyways? and where do we establish our notions of right and wrong in terms of art?  now i realize: sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind.  what i also realize is:  i am a control freak.  i need to loosen up.  i suppose when you lose control of certain things in your life, lose control of the things that shake your entire foundation, you then grasp for control of the things you know for sure you can control.  in my life, that means i control my art.  my life may be a total clusterfuck, but at least i can paint the way i see.  it is a tonic of sorts, something i can rely on when things go haywire.  but to express myself, well now, that's a new challenge.

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