the best laid plans do sometimes fail.  that is why today, when i opted not to go to portland, i was okay with it all.  i made the appropriate calls, canceled my appointments, explained my circumstances, said my i'll see you soon's, and even got my train tickets refunded without controversy.  everyone was so understanding.  they gave me their i told you so's, and their are you sure this is what you want's, but in the end, it all settled in quite nicely.  the experience of sleeping in, knowingly letting myself fail, and deliberately missing my nine o'clock train, well that was humbling. as was the immediate quietude of not going somewhere, of not having anything pressing to do, of drinking my hot mug-o-tea in my jammies, of drifting around the house picking up a little at a time, of making a wholesome meal for me and my man and my dog...  somehow, the backup plan turned out to be the best plan of all.  

as the old proverb goes : 
 we learn little from victory, much from defeat.
and besides:
hurry only catches flies
the heart at rest sees a feast in everything.

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