in an effort to reclaim my feeling of health, well being, and fitness, i decided to put myself through self-imposed bootcamp. i was feeling sluggish, out-of-shape, with back pain, aching kidneys, and an out of control sweets/bar food addiction. i needed a change, i needed to feel better, to feel in charge, so i enlisted in this self-imposed, choose-your-own-adventure style bootcamp. this basically means i exercise every other day (at the minimum) for a full hour, plus i follow a strict meal plan. the exercise, well that consists of a plethora of dance/aerobic videos i've found online, with a side of tracy anderson, the "trainer for the stars". the meal plan is simple, and only strict in the sense that it abolishes a few things: sugar, salt, oil, and processed foods. i'm allotted a single glass of wine, but no chocolate, no chips, no bar food, no whiskey, no greasy shit. it's terribly hard to exert self-control, but i must say, it feels right. all the clean food is good on my system, i have more energy and feel less lethargic. and i've begun to taste the flavor inside steamed vegetables and steel cut oats, without the butter and brown sugar, i've started to revel in the intrinsic energy found in fresh ground juices and grilled fish with whole grains. it's real food, powerful food... but i'm human. so tonight, saddled up at the bar next to tom and james, it was so so terribly hard not to eat the fat pile of curly fries next to me...so i did. i had one fry. just one.