an awakening

8" x  10"

i recently had the great privilege to attend a neil young concert.  it was a true highlight of my life to see my hero, my all-time favorite, on stage, in person: alone, in a spotlight, in front of thousands of people.  the tickets were pricey, and many people criticized the cost.  for me, the opportunity was well worth every penny, because i knew, i know, what kind of bravery it must require to be that person: alone, equipped only with your skills, presenting your vision to the masses.  i went under-equipped, without hankies, and by the end of the evening i had washed every last bit of mascara from my eyelashes and down onto my cheeks.  neil young is my truest of heroes, and i'll tell you why:  when my mom was not well, i struggled....hard.  i knew she was dying, my best friend of friends, and the reality of life as a human, in love and in loss, seemed too cruel to bear.  i had my neil young on vinyl and my dad's trusty old record player, and man, i wore that thing out.  it was a tonic: in the words of the songs, neil young poetically traced the human experience to a T.  i felt like i had a friend, someone who understood to the core, who could convince me that life is truly beautiful.  that notion gave me hope.  so recently, when i had the opportunity to see neil, marking my thirtieth birthday, it was a spiritual awakening.  upon my return, a friend asked how it was, and remarked that the last time she saw neil he reminded her aesthetically of the grinch.  she asked smugly if i thought so too, and i was dumbstruck.  all i could say back was "he looked like god to me."