|collection of j. turic|
today i realized: i've got to loosen up. lately i've been painting like there were nuns with rulers standing behind me, watching intently, waiting for me to rebel, or to fuck up. i've had this problem for a long time. this problem, this control freak in me, produces lovely tight illustrative results, but the rigidity is no good for any form of self expression. i came to this revelation while looking at the paintings of ben tour. i was admiring his take on controlled chaos, his use of drip and typography and the exaggerated caricatures of his subject. when i first saw his work in person, it hit me in a guttural way, and took my breath. today, revisiting the work, i thought: i used to paint like that....sloppy in the most lyrical way, for brief a moment in art school, usually when i was running out of time, in a hurry, in the days when i was so punk rock, before i had responsibilities, before i knew or cared that dripping solvent all over was toxic...before my art had to make me a living. but i had the illustrator somewhere deep in my core. (i inherited that from my mother). i slowly became more regimented, focusing on skill and technique, in an attempt at becoming a modern norman rockwell of sorts. it worked to some degree; it got me jobs, got me recognition, and got me here. but now i want to go back. so today, starting small...baby steps i say! i let this little toy car spin me out of a rut. tomorrow, maybe i'll be even more adventurous.